Sleeping with the Lady from Bristol

So I quit sleeping with my gun about a month ago.
You know we all have those little quirks, the wierd little things we do.
Like using the paper towell to open the public restroom door on the way out. Some people wear rubber gloves and surgical masks in public to avoid contagious diseases. Or tap the top of a soda bottle, hold your breath in a tunnel. Sometimes i still jump over the cracks to save my mommas back.
So i thought the gun thing was one of those things.
Proved that wrong last night.
Really, what are the chances of an intruder breaking into your house in the middle of the night when its obvious that your home? My paranoid side says everything is possible, better to be prepared. My logical side leans on the side of it being more likely to accidently shoot myself in my sleep than for someone to break into my house when im home.
Wrong
So someone tries to break in last night, pretty bold of him actually. He goes to the back door where moms doing the laundry and tries to get in with her right there. So she screams and wakes me up i run downstairs and hes taken off by the time i get there.
I felt pretty naked (I had clothes on)
So if you do the surgical mask thing
I say more power to ya
Im not sleeping alone anymore

Faith

Its a choice. I choose to believe. We sometimes forget how little of what we "know" is actually concrete. What I "know" is what I choose to accept.
Im not going to let outside influences decide what I believe at the core. If I did, my core would reflect the integrity of my surroundings, constantly changing what I am at the center.
I need very little evidence to continue believing as i do, anything to the contrary I will ignore because this is my choice and im sticking to it. Price shopping after the buy an unhappy shopper doth make.

Those who intentionally offend the basest of sensitivities

May you lose the capacity to communicate.
Those who speak for the sake of "Shock value" stop speaking.
Why offend? You must want to be heard, to have impact (awww.... thats sad) and you cant think of any easier way to manipulate the emotions of others than to offend. Its manipulation you know, if you didnt think it would cause them to feel-you wouldnt have said it.
So you speak not because you have anything important to say but just because you want to have an effect. I know this because I have done it.
People swear for the same reason. Thats why there arent words to replace those, its not the word itself or its meaning, its the effect that you cant replace. You swear because it offends, it even offends you and if it wears off you will come up with some disgusting combination to take its place.
"Emotion is the heat on the brand of your memory" -Me
If you intentionally cause me to feel emotion thats manipulating. What are you trying to get? What do you want? Whats your motive? If your reason for getting my attention is just because you want attention find something better to do.
A lot of entertainment plays on this. An intentional attack on the sensitivities of its viewers. Show you something that you hold sacred and then destroy it. We judge the value of our entertainment by its emotional effect. Emotional effect can be good, with purpose. When something plays on the strings of my heart I should step back and say "OK, you have my attention. Now where are you trying to take me? Im listening, Now... why?"
Todays revolution is against pointless emotional manipulation.
We should engender in ourselves sensitivity to the beauty of life. Hold it sacred. Our souls should cry out in revolt when we witness the debasing of these virtues. Our heart can become calloused with constant abrasion, you wont feel anymore.
Indurated Pericardium
I never thought id use that.
Im as guilty as most anyone else, I revolt against that part of myself. Get thee hence!

Honest day

Brutally honest, the kind of day when you say what you have always muttered under your breath. Liberating? YES! Imprisoning? ......that too. You can always change your mind if you dont speak. I suppose I can change my mind anytime, but i have too much pride for that. No, once I've spoken, thats it no turning back now. Its been said and i convince myself that sticking to it is a matter of integrity, its not. It has little to do with integrity, it has more to do with thinking that im right all the time.
I felt a surplus of that today. I woke up sure that i was right, about what? it didnt matter i just started looking till i found it.
"You are trying to manipulate me! You think I owe you something? One of these days youre gonna wake up and realize that no one owes you anything. When they serve you it isnt because they owe you, its out of the goodness of their heart! No one owes you anything!" It wasnt even 7:00 am yet and already I was off to a start. The 16 year old i take to school was trying to get a little more out of me. On most mornings I would have complied just to be kind, not today. I dont think he remembered i love him when he slammed the car door, i lost that battle.
Im posessive about my space, i dont have much. Pretty much my car is the closest thing i have to personal space. So I would like it to reflect what i would like my life to reflect(if that makes sense) I've been clear about this in the past. "Use my car, its always fine but dont leave things in it, dont junk it up" I said this months ago because i would loan it out crawl in and it would reflect the family lifestyle, felt like a disease or some kind of fungus. Sometimes it feels like its closing in on all sides, just trying to break me so that i can be assimilated into its construct. So I will sit in my car, where its clean.......well not clean, but if its dirty at least its my dirt.
So, back to stupid "honest day" remarks.
There was a candy bar wrapper on the floor in my car and some wood dohicky on my dashboard. I walked in the house displaying the wrapper like a dead rat by the tail. "Is this yours?" Mom replies "Oh im sorry" "I protest" walking away. Mistake, Mom was as tired as i was, I had crossed the line and for another moment forgotton that neither I nor the car would exist if she wasnt patient with me. It was my weakness on display not hers.
I spent the whole day like this, pretty self destructive really. It didnt feel like that when i was glorying in the fact that i was just saying what i always thought. I always thought i was right until I said it.

Seedless fruit sucks! Genesis 1:29
Trisodiumphosphate isnt a food, its a cleaner.
Amen

I choose eternal life

Here's my thought of the day.
You've gotta get in water over your head in order to really learn to swim. At some point we realized that any more time in the Kiddie pool we called home wasnt going to serve us. So we left our premortal life to swim with the big fishes. We can drown here soour parents help us till we learn how to tread water on our own. Nothing makes us grow more than those moments when we need all we have to survive. Some of us spend lives in pursuit of a greater challenge, always over our heads in the beginning but eventually we build the strength to succeed. Some spend much of their lives clinging to the edge, occasionally letting go long enough for the fear of drowning to scare them back to safety. See, there are those who live life with the confidence that anything unfair about life and even the mistakes I make can be made right through the atonement of Christ. so the fear of actually drowning fades as they trust in the lifeguard. Sure its scary when you sink under, sometimes we fail despite our best efforts. There is no feeling that compares to being cradled safely in his arms, after what seemed like certain death. The point is, im jumping in the deep end and im really not much of a swimmer. He knows that, he has watched me in my training. Im watching his reaction carefully this time as I near the edge, no fear in his eyes, no apprehension, just a smile. He knows.
"now is the time you have to decide
whether to do it, or set it aside,
whether to reach for the goal thats afar,
or just be content to stay where you are"
(i dont know who made that up, i got it from President Mordock)

What's it gonna be?

So there's this girl........
This really isn't starting off like a revolution at all, more like the beginning of some tragic love story, but that's where I am (not that its tragic). So my latest revolution is against....well...being lonely (I guess), YEAH!... being lonely sucks!... so everybody fight the power! or the.....lack of power..I guess...hmmm, that doesn't really work does it.
So she met some of the family yesterday, here are the reviews.
Pato says "She is nice and smart and pretty"
Little Joe says "She's nice, she's smart...(2 minutes)...She's pretty"
Dad says "Im favorably impressed"
Rebecca says "Is she cool with us? if she's cool with us im cool with her, she is so different from the other girls...in a good way"
Mom says (and this is the kicker) "I like her...She looks right through you.....wise....beautiful..." (and lots of other good stuff I cant remember)
I say, When im around this girl, I feel the sense of peace I have been missing since I left the mission, like I'm in the right place... Home I guess. I was really starting to miss that, Its not loneliness so much as it is homesickness. I feel welcome with my family, I just miss the sense of direction and purpose. I feel that with her.
In love, but being in love isn't really the measure. Its all about what you do with it right? So if love is this great power (and it is) How do we weild it? I think that's the great test. So what! You're in love, what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do with it? You can use it to destroy (seen it done), or you can use it as a springboard to build the most wonderful thing -ETERNAL LIFE
what's it gonna be?